A Promise to the Universe.

I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be treasured. I deserve a peaceful and stable connection with a woman I am passionate about. In order to be ready for my queen when she arrives, I promise this to myself and the universe today. I will spend the rest of 2023 present, not checked out. I have already quit drinking alcohol, I will abstain from alcohol through at least the entire year or 2024. I am going to use marijuana one more time tonight, tomorrow I will stop using marijuana for the rest of 2023. I’m hesitant to give it up entirely because there are times where I think it can change my perspective in a way that is beneficial for me creating art, but that is not how I am using it now so a solid break is called for. I’m not sure if I can have it in my life or not, but there are other things I desire more at this point- a big one is being able to sit with my feelings without having them steer me off a cliff and out of integrity. I will spend the rest of 2023 building myself, I will do my practices that keep me grounded, and stay connected to my friends, I will try to eat better, and I will work on my classwork and building up a new creative outlet for myself. I remain open to B, but I need to give myself space from her, because I think B is done and we may have done irreparable damage. I remain open to the universe bringing me my partner, but I am not seeking her right now- I am seeking self-love and better connection to myself, I am building myself back up so I am strong and potent when my true love comes, because I trust that she is coming.

When my queen comes- my focus has to be on integrity. I need to communicate my feelings as they happen, clearly, openly, and honestly. I need to focus on not keeping secrets, even if they are small, I need to put my full self into the relationship so it is built on a foundation of truth and transparency. My partner will also have wounds, we all do. I will do my best not to internalize her wounding and instead approach with a desire to understand and heal it with her. I want us to heal each other. I will be curious about her pain, and want to know it more deeply whenever I can. I need to be in integrity with myself first and foremost, and in integrity with my friends and family, and in integrity with my partner. I understand these things are required to have the life I have always dreamed of and I will do my best to push through my discomfort and give someone the chance to love the real me- because the real me deserves so much love and has so much love to give. This I promise myself and the universe today.