B

I just got home from my second date with B. The first date was coffee for 2.5 hours and was amazing- I immediately paused my dating profiles when I got home and screen grabbed our very first texts back and forth because this FEELS like something. Just writing that this FEELS like something caused a well of emotion to come up and I felt it move through my entire body, it really feels like something. Right now I just want to take in the intoxication of that feeling and be with her, but I’m thankful at the same time to be at home feeling this alone, processing, letting it wash over me. To fully soak in this moment, and write about it, to be present with it and fully experience what could be the beginning of love. I have caught myself already trying to omit things, I had a big struggle with telling her I have tattoos because I didn’t know how she would react, but I’m trying and I got it out and she knows about all my new tattoos and how I feel about them. I told her tonight that I was going to do my best to really let her know what my truth was all the time, and that I knew I would mess that up sometimes, but that I was calling myself on it and welcomed her to call me on it as well. She reciprocated that intention. I’m walking this line between trying not to get ahead of myself and to remain unattached to any specific outcome, and feeling over the moon excited and like this ember that has smoldered in my heart for such a long time just had a firm, warm, confident, loving breath blown directly into it, that ember is absolutely glowing right now and you know what, I’m going to take that and soak in it because life is short and I don’t get to know what’s coming tomorrow, so all I can do is fully take in what is happening right now, and that is that I’m absolutely smitten and it feels beautiful.