Goodbye B.

Good morning my love. As I have fumbled through this grief and written you these letters there has been a hope that you would feel me calling you and decide to reach out. I’m realizing in this very moment how flawed that is, and how wishing for you to hear me and wishing for my next person to come into my life at the same time means neither will happen. I will say, I was hoping you and my next person are the same person, but it’s not feeling like that this morning.

I saw you have unfollowed me on Instagram- that really took a lot out of me to find out, but I’m taking it as an indicator that I should put this down and let you go. This love and hope I have for you and us is holding me back, and frankly I have never really understood how it could work since I can feel the anger you hold for me still as I tune into you. I hope you find a good man who can take care of you how you deserve to be cared for, there are a lot of predators out in the spiritual community and I hope you don’t end up being hurt further by one of them.

I understand your need to unfollow me, I have had you muted all summer because I couldn’t bear to look, and I have only come back to watching you as my desire to reconnect has become more uncontrollable. I love you so much, and my heart is absolutely shattered, but I am going to trust that we were together for our season for a reason- I certainly learned a lot about myself during our time together and am feeling solid on my feet and in myself. I am an amazing person and deserve all the love of the universe- I think the same things about you- you are an amazing person and deserve all the love in the universe. I’m off to stitch my heart back together and get ready for what is next- I hope it is amazing for both of us.