Into the ether.

Hey love- good morning. I’m still missing you terribly, but things are shifting for me. I still want you back, but I feel a bit more grounded in what that would actually mean for us, and truthfully I just can’t figure out how it would work without some significant growth from you too. But it’s true for me to say I have never had a partner that made me feel more seen and potent than you did- at times. I saw glimpses of the partnership that I want, the physical was certainly the best I have ever had and for me, that means that the emotional safety and feeling of being loved for whatever I can bring was there. It was so beautiful to connect with you that way and I will always be thankful for you being such an important part of my life.

Gosh, we sure went through it too. Going into a stressful remodel project at the beginning of the relationship was such a hard challenge to add into the ups and downs of falling in love with you. I do wonder without that home and financial strain what could have developed. Floyd being so close to the end of his life was hard too, by the time there was any space from the chaos at home, then the financial stabilizing that was needed for me to feel safe to spend some money, he was having too hard a time to be left alone.

If we did get together again I think one thing we could agree on is we need to make more fun and adventure happen! I know you likely wanted this all along, and I did too, but again, the challenges I was facing alone as we started dating. You may feel that I was not facing them alone but I would disagree, you were not tied to any of it and you had a place you could go. But let’s go have some fun, please baby, I want to go play with you.

I’m not sure if any of this comes through to you, but I write it in hopes you will feel all the love I continue to have for you, and the longing to try again.